Have a look at how Jade and Gareth have followed our success criteria and tried to MIB their writing by improving the verbs in the writing or using adjectives and language features like similes.
The play station game- By Gareth
I zoomed up the stairs to my room and slammed the door. "Don't slam the door please!" shouted my dad. "Sorry!" I replied in a squeaky mouse voice. Then I turned on the play station and jumped back on my coach and grabbed the remote. I clicked on one of the people on the screen and it went completely dark like a dragons cave. Two blocks came up in one of the corners showing your battle life. My colour was red and his was blue. I got two cards, and they connected and made a new card called "Two headed thunder dragon". It had 2800 power points. It was the strongest card have ever made.
Then he put a card down. "I wonder what that is?" I whispered. He clicked on my card and my card lit up in flames. He destroyed it because his card was worth 3000 power points. It was called "Blue eyes white dragon."
Robot wars! By Jade
"Jade, come down stairs and play robots!" Tyler called from down stairs. I rushed down. I have not played robots in a while. I got handed a remote from my dad. The screen shot on as fast as lightening. I sat on the soft sofa. "Are you ready to play?" said a man. It was coming from the screen. I was the smart green robot.
Our first game was getting goals from other robots. When Tyler was goal keep, no one got a goal. It was my last goal.. I went for the green, Tyler missed it! "Wow!" Green is very useful!
Happy Holidays Everyone
12 years ago
