Welcome to Room 16's Writing page.
Term 1 Recounts:
This term we are learning how to write interesting recounts. Here are some of our favourite recounts:
"The Spider claw massage"
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| The Spider head massager |
Today we had a prickly thing on our head. At first I had completely no idea what it was. It looked like an uncompleted pumpkin. I was wondering what it was. Then suddenly I had an idea! It also looked like a spider claw. I felt like a stringy ball of wire. It was like grass, but I was not even close with any of these guesses. The wire was like a telephone wire with electricity. It sounded like it was shivering cold. It felt like pins and needles when Mrs Millett scratched my head with it! Oh! It was a head massager after all!
By James B
My Nature trail walk.
Yesterday Room 16 went on a walk and it was like a little jungle with poisonous plants. There were two sounds like plants bashing into each other. The other one was the cicadas, that were humming like speeding cars. The sun was burning us to our feet like an African jungle. We could have been in danger of prowling lions!
We started to chat, until Mrs. Millett shouted “Shhh!” Then it silent except for the cicadas.
I can’t wait to go back on another jungle walk even though I was tired!!
By Jude
The Cricket game: By Gauri R
There I was far from home in a big, big field. It was my brother's cricket game. The grass was as soft as a feather. My brother was forth in his team in battin
g. When he was waiting for his turn in batting he practiced his batting. It was not long until it was his turn. My whole family was amazed that everyone was getting out except my brother. The wind whistled as fast as a lion zooming. I tried to make a mini umbrella out of sticks. The game for four hours! I was sad because he lost. There were a lot of people playing cricket.
The Weet bix Triathalon: By
Amber B
There I was waiting for my turn. I was waiting for ages! Finally it was my turn. I swam a swim which was out 5 metres from the shore and 100m metres long. Then I zoomed to my bike. There were so many bikes, it was like a sea of bikes. Finally I found my bike, I was so pleased. So I hopped on my bike and raced to the end of the track, but there was a big hill. I made it! Then I went for the run. I scrambled around two times for the run. I was very tired. Finally I finished the Triathalon and received my medal. I was exhausted, but triumphant!!!
The Cricket game: By Gauri R
There I was far from home in a big, big field. It was my brother's cricket game. The grass was as soft as a feather. My brother was forth in his team in battin
g. When he was waiting for his turn in batting he practiced his batting. It was not long until it was his turn. My whole family was amazed that everyone was getting out except my brother. The wind whistled as fast as a lion zooming. I tried to make a mini umbrella out of sticks. The game for four hours! I was sad because he lost. There were a lot of people playing cricket.The Weet bix Triathalon: By
Amber BThere I was waiting for my turn. I was waiting for ages! Finally it was my turn. I swam a swim which was out 5 metres from the shore and 100m metres long. Then I zoomed to my bike. There were so many bikes, it was like a sea of bikes. Finally I found my bike, I was so pleased. So I hopped on my bike and raced to the end of the track, but there was a big hill. I made it! Then I went for the run. I scrambled around two times for the run. I was very tired. Finally I finished the Triathalon and received my medal. I was exhausted, but triumphant!!!
Have a look at how Jade and Gareth have followed our success criteria and tried to MIB their writing by improving the verbs in the writing or using adjectives and language features like similes.
The play station game- By Gareth
I zoomed up the stairs to my room and slammed the door. "Don't slam the door please!" shouted my dad. "Sorry!" I replied in a squeaky mouse voice. Then I turned on the play station and jumped back on my coach and grabbed the remote. I clicked on one of the people on the screen and it went completely dark like a dragons cave. Two blocks came up in one of the corners showing your battle life. My colour was red and his was blue. I got two cards, and they connected and made a new card called "Two headed thunder dragon". It had 2800 power points. It was the strongest card have ever made.
Then he put a card down. "I wonder what that is?" I whispered. He clicked on my card and my card lit up in flames. He destroyed it because his card was worth 3000 power points. It was called "Blue eyes white dragon."
Robot wars! By Jade
"Jade, come down stairs and play robots!" Tyler called from down stairs. I rushed down. I have not played robots in a while. I got handed a remote from my dad. The screen shot on as fast as lightening. I sat on the soft sofa. "Are you ready to play?" said a man. It was coming from the screen. I was the smart green robot.Our first game was getting goals from other robots. When Tyler was goal keep, no one got a goal. It was my last goal.. I went for the green, Tyler missed it! "Wow!" Green is very useful!
